Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
