I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
