so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
