I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
