her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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