I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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