I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think i got beer on your cat.
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