So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
