ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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