I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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