Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
