bring money and cleavage
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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