she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
