Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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