He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
