bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
