then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
