So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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