i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
