If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
