so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
