He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
