I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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