i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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