There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
