You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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