my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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