oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
