my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
