I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
