Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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