i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
