I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude i'm inner monologue high
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
