I love how my cats smell like pot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
