Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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