I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
