I'm so fucking centered right now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
