drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
