it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You've changed since you got that strap on
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
