At least make sure they are 18
Why
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
