i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
