never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
