Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
