someone owes me an orgasm
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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