I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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