Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
