i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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