Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
