Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im drinking this country out of the recession.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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