it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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