Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
